Romanian Holiday
by Rebecca Hanlon
Summary: Shredder and Krang travel to Romania for a relaxing vacation.
1. Chapter 1

Romanian Holiday

"Put me back in my body, I'm trying to book this flight, but filling out these forms is a pain in my occipital lobe. I need fingers! You hear me through that hubcap you're wearing?" Krang was on a tear, having disintegrated a tenth of the foot clan with a disruptor pistol, enraged over a stolen key. Although, the key was not stolen, but only confiscated by Shredder out of responsibility for the safety of Krang, who had a habit of getting thoroughly ripped on deuterium gas that he sucked from a glass tube, getting pissed, then taking off in the subterranean drill. There was only so much Shredder could do for the disembodied brain, he wasn't just dependent on his technological skill, he had grown very close to him as a comrade. Krang had a way of turning almost any confrontation into an absolute blood bath, seizing every opportunity to make a conflict into a degrading and humiliating defeat for those who gave any hint of resistance. A character of such brutal and monolithic hate, abusive and manipulative, devoid of compassion and remorseless and cold as the tread of a panzer; he was dependent on Shredder. He plucked the writhing Krang from the stool he was perched on after carelessly discarding the glass dome on legs he had been using, which under closer inspection by Shredder, still clutched the matter disruptor pistol. Shredder plopped Krang into the control cavity of the humanoid exoskeleton and Krang let out some satisfied coos and gurgles.

"Guess what I found in a pile of ashes?" Shredder lied. "I knew it, I just knew one of those abominations stole my key! Give it to me!" Shredder casually used the end of the key to clean his fingernails, ignoring Krang's flailing demands. "I believe you were in the middle of something, finish the reservations and I'll give you the key."

"Bllllllaaaaaarrrgggggg!" Krang snorted in frustration, turning back to the computer console, madly tapping the keys with the fingers of his suit. "Make sure you reserve the sound proofed suite, I don't want a repeat of our last vacation." Krang paused for a moment and thought about this statement, he didn't need any more inconveniences like hotel managers beating on the door or cops showing up when the hotel manager was reduced to a lifeless pile of gore. "Yes, yes that is a good idea, but we still had fun, the look on their faces after you jumped out and ripped a hole in the police captain neck, priceless." Shredder nodded, although most of his face was covered by his mask, Krang could tell he was smiling just by looking at his eyes. "Heh, heh, what did they call me after that? Ass-wang? Heheh what a bunch of cowards."

"They called you Aswang, and it's pronounced as-wong. It's some kind of shape shifting vampire monster. Of the two that got away, one hanged himself and the other is still in a psychiatric ward."

Krang laughed and snorted at this, finishing the forms and printing them. Shredder picked up the papers and started looking them over when he stopped and looked up at krang, who was back to inhaling deuterium gas, now directly from the nozzle of the tank. "I think you've made a mistake, I see two names and one is Robert and the other is Margret, grrrrrr I'm not dressing like a woman." Krang took his lips off the deuterium gas tank for a moment,"You fool, I'm Margret and you're Robert, look at the pass ports I made for us. You don't think I'm going to march through an airport in this thing naked, do you? No, I'm going to be wearing a disguise. Now, give me that key and get dressed, our flight leaves tonight." Shredder looked over his shoulder at the still smoldering pile of dead foot soldiers. "who's going to clean that up?" "Get the remaining nine tenths of the foot to do it."


	2. Chapter 2

Krang admired the lacy woman's underwear he was wearing, taking time to yank a long wig over the bare scalp of his android body. Shredder was having a hard time adapting to the lack of metal on his clothing, a pair of khaki slacks and a sweater Krang had picked out for him conspicuously lacked anything sharp. Besides this, Shredder felt naked without his helmet and mask, which having never really needed to do anything with his hair besides hide it under his armor, was severely neglected. Shredder tried to pull his overgrown ninja mop into a masculine ponytail, stopped, picked up some scissors, thought for a moment and put them down. Shredder took the rubber band out of his hair and gathered the long black mess of hair and folded it once and slipped the rubber band back over it leaving a massive bun on the back of head.

Satisfied, for the moment, he slipped down the hall to where Krang was dressing. Peeking around the corner, Shredder saw Krang's reflection in the mirror and let out an involuntary snicker, wishing he had a camera. "Errrrrrr, Shredder! What are you laughing at?" Krang walked over to the door and looked around, but Shredder had ducked behind a pillar and was now doubled over with convulsive laughing fits. "I can hear you laughing, come out where I can see you." Shredder slowly stepped into the light, still covering his mouth with his hand to muffle his giggling. "Laughing at me, are you?" Shredder straightened himself up as best he could. "You, you look like- hahahaha..." Krang snorted. "I look like a woman, not a terribly attractive woman, but I wasn't very specific when I asked you to build this thing, so I can only blame myself." Shredder broke into an fresh round of chuckles at Krang. "I distinctly remember you asking me to not make you dress like Hall and Oates anymore." Shredder straightened up once again. "How are these clothes any different than the ones I won't wear?" "Before you looked like Hall and Oates, now..." Shredder sneered, as the pitch of Krang's voice peaked. "Now you just look like a queer!" Shredder looked insulted for a moment, started to leave but stopped and looked over his shoulder at Krang. "I don't know how people dress in dimension x, and from what little time I spent there it just seems like complete chaos, but here you're what we call a very unconvincing transvestite, heh heh heh heh." Krang picked up a fancy looking women's shoe and hurled it at Shredder's face, letting out some unintelligible snorts and gurgles which gave way to manic laughter when the shoe nailed Shredder square in the forehead. "In dimension x I was a god, I commanded armies of rock people and drank the blood of my enemies while I forced their children to watch!" Krang loved to drink blood. "That's, um, really fascinating Krang. I'll be in the drill waiting for you."

Shredder crossed the center of the technodome with his luggage, nearly tripping over some smoldering body parts left from Krang's temper tantrum. Some of the Foot were milling around with brooms and shovels, but not really cleaning anything. Shredder pointed at the chunks of their fallen comrades in a manner that suggested they should clean them up before something bad happened. This only seemed to upset them more and they ran and hid. Krang was still putting the finishing touches on his costume, not completely satisfied with his appearance. Slipping a pair of dark glasses over the dead looking eyes of his suit and dropping the loosely woven dress over his control compartment, snapped up his luggage and crossed the same pile of smoldering body parts. A single foot solider was shoveling up the ashes until Krang got close to him and he ran. Krang pulled out a disruptor pistol from his purse and took a few shots at the foot before he was out of range. "See you later shitlords!" and he hopped into the drill with Shredder and the two of them took off towards the airport.

Shredder noticed the drill had stopped and opened his eyes and looked around. They were parked outside a school and Krang was looking very anxious, about as anxious as Krang could look in his mechanical suit. "Oh good you're awake! I didn't want you to miss this." Shredder was curious, "Miss what? We're not abducting any children, I thought we had come to an understanding about that?" Krang tossed a detonator into Shredder's lap and went back to staring through the view port. "Just push that button when I give the signal, I've rigged up a little surprise for you." Shredder rolled his eyes and looked out at the road in front of the drill. A somewhat smaller than normal school bus was coming towards them and Krang took off the sunglasses for a better look. "Ready, on my mark, press it!" Shredder hesitated for a moment, as it was now pretty obvious what would probably happen. There was a bright flash and a deafening blast where the bus was just moments before, Krank cooed at the sight. Shredder rubbed his eyes and caught a glimpse of some flailing figures engulfed in flame. "Ooooh look, he's flapping his hands, on fire. Stop, drop and flap your hands retards!" Shredder saw this and barely mustered an amused chuckle, as the kid was in fact flapping his hands, which were on fire. "Can we get out of here before a news crew tries to interview us?" Krang forced the gearshift into reverse and dropped the drill back through the hole it came from. "What's wrong? You used to love blowing up retarded kids." Krang placed his right hand on shredder's left thigh, which made him squirm a little. "Let's just focus on getting out of the country without the cops getting involved." Krang pulled his hand away in a rejected slither. "I'll wake you up when we get there."


End file.
